Masterful Pranks and Potions
by mrsProbie
Summary: James and Peter are a little bitter that their friends keep skipping out on pranks to snog. They plan a majestic prank as revenge.


"They're so bloody annoying," James hissed, and Peter nodded amicably beside him. They were hiding behind a bookshelf, on the other side of which their two best friends sat… _canoodling_ at a library table. "You come up with a great prank, and you want your best- two of your best mates to help you get it done, and they're too busy. Too busy doing what, Wormtail?" he demanded, fire in his eyes.

"Snogging?" Peter hazarded a guess.

"Yes!" James pounded a fist into his other hand. "Snogging! Do you know what I'd be doing if I could snog Lily whenever I wanted?"

Peter shrugged. "Er… snogging?" he asked again.

"No!" James's whisper-yelling was dangerously close to becoming actual yelling. "I would be balancing my pranking and snogging, like a good friend!" After a deep, calming breath, he continued, quieter. "Are they doing _Charms_ homework? They're not even getting a proper snog in!"

James was indignant. It was time for the plan to begin.

* * *

Walking back from the library, Remus suddenly felt that he was being watched. Knowing James, and knowing the Marauder's Map and invisibility cloak, it wasn't beyond reason to believe that they were. He went to elbow Sirius, and then suddenly he was feeling very cheerful.

He was feeling so incredibly cheerful that he found nothing suspicious about James popping out from seemingly nowhere and giving Sirius a chocolate cauldron. James was being such a good friend, sharing his chocolate like this! How lucky he was to have such wonderful people in his life!

Peter appeared, then, as well, and said, "We'd best head to the Fat Lady. Wouldn't want to get stuck outside if she goes wandering off with Violet again." How responsible of him! It _was_ getting rather close to curfew - only three hours left! Peter was so considerate of the rules.

"You're right," Sirius said abruptly, his voice cracking on the second word, "we really should go see her. Maybe have a nice visit before we go in, yeah?" Remus was astounded. Sirius was acting so _kind_ , wanting to give the portrait some company! It only helped the _fantastic_ mood he was finding himself in.

As they walked through the empty, near-curfew corridors, it became apparent that Sirius had ulterior motives for visiting the Fat Lady. This was evidenced by him wondering, "I want to marry the Fat Lady. Can portraits marry people?" and "Do you think she's upset that we call her fat all the time?" and "What if I complimented her singing voice? Women like when you compliment them, right?"

It was very important to him that he get this right. Remus could tell that this was unnatural behavior on Sirius's part, and he found it all quite funny. Everything was funny tonight! Really, he was having the time of his life. He'd been a part of their antics for years, _why_ had he never found them so funny before?

Very soon, they found themselves at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, the Fat Lady attempting to look imperiously down on them. It would have all seemed very serious had she not been clearly drunk, and had Remus not been intermittently giggling.

James stifled a laugh as he pushed Sirius in front of the rest of the boys. Sirius wavered for a moment, then marched bravely on. "I, er, like your hair," he said tersely. "Have you done something different?"

"I am a painting," the Fat Lady explained.

"Yes, well, you look beautiful!" Sirius said. "As beautiful as always! Which is a lot." He looked to his friends for suggestions on where to go from there. Their responses ranged from a shrug (Peter), to a giggle (Remus), to a large thumbs-up and grin of encouragement (James). "Er… your artist must have been very talented, to have captured such grand beauty?"

The Fat Lady did not seem particularly interested in Sirius.

It was only a few more minutes of this - "No, really, your hair is just _stunning_ , did he use gold in the paint there?" "That is called gilding, Mr. Black, and _no._ " - before the potion wore off and Sirius stopped begging for the Fat Lady's heart.

"What I would give to be able to kiss you right through that-" Sirius stopped cold. He spun to look at James, eyes wild.

James, meanwhile, doubled over laughing. "I'm not even sorry!" he managed to get out through peals of laughter. Remus started giggling, and Peter started chuckling openly.

Sirius couldn't pretend that he didn't think the whole thing was funny, and he was already smiling, but it was the mirth on Remus's face that did him in. One look at his boyfriend, and he started laughing out loud - which only made Remus laugh harder.

"Is that a Cheering Charm, mate?" Sirius asked lightly, once the moment had passed. Remus thought it was a good bet, privately. James nodded, still a little out of breath, and tossed the counter-spell at Remus.

Remus was still laughing, although it was his own laugh and not that lilting giggle from before. "You'd best stick to blokes," he told Sirius. "You clearly weren't getting anywhere with the Fat Lady." Three of the boys broke into laughter again, although Sirius seemed quite miffed.

"If I wanted to, I could win her over," he insisted. "I just wasn't trying hard enough. Right, Fat Lady?" When there was no response, he spun to face her, seemingly ready to drop to his knees. "Fat Lady?" he pleaded.

"You would do well to at least call me by name," she sniffed.

Of course, she refused to tell them what her name actually was. They gave up on that after a few guesses ("Wilhelmina?" "No." "Amanda?" "No." "Robert?" " _No."_ ) and gave her the password instead. Once inside, they flopped into the four armchairs they had claimed since third year.

"Well," James began, "did our masterful prank change your mind about anything?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance. "No," said Remus.

"Really?" James leaned forward in his chair. "Not about public displays of affection? Or skipping pranks for snogging?"

"Not even a little," said Sirius.

* * *

 **A/N:** As is typical, I was prompted…

HPFC's "Something Old, Something New" Challenge: RemusSirius, Hogwarts years; 500 word minimum

HPFC's "Colors of the Rainbow" Challenge: Yellow #2 - Write about a character under the influence of a Cheering Charm

HPFC's "The Hunt is On" Challenge: Humor/friendship for genres

HPFC's FRIENDS Competition: 10 - TOW The Birth Mother - "Use the dialogue prompt "I'm not even sorry!"

HPFC's "Are You Crazy Enough to Do It" Challenge: #194 (era - Marauder Era)


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